The welcome party Ms. Victoria Febrer is hosting for us in Astoria is tonight! The invitation follows:

Welcome Gillian back to civilization after her long journey across the uncharted continent! Welcome Fritz to NY for the first time! And devour the most gruesome but delicious pastry you’ve ever seen!!!

If you want to attend write us an email and we’ll send you the info. See you soon! Fritz

Iowa - The Bermuda Triangle of the Midwest

Every time we stopped in Iowa it was a huge kerfuffle.  This is not an exaggeration.  Soon after crossing the border, we tried to find a restroom and got off at a place called Van Wert, Iowa. We’ll have more pictures from Van Wert… it was lovely and charming but… completely empty.  Loads of derelict buildings and our first taste of close up wind vanes and snow.  The community center was locked and closed.  We left, unsuccessful and eventually stopped at a Kum N Go. Yes, that’s what the store is called.

Next we found a Wal Mart to buy socks… 7 miles off the highway- just past the big, proud water tower for the Central Iowa Water Association.  It was depressing.  Fritz and I managed to completely lose each other.  I scoped out both the back and the front sections to look for him paging me, while he was hiding in the fitting room asking the attendant to spell out my full name.  Listening to the intercom,  I heard them call other people’s names.  Something about the Iowa vortex.  Eventually we found each other, obviously…

We needed gas later on in the trip… Urgently.  My fault!  We ended up in Tiffin.  Oh, beautiful Tiffin.  We were right next to the highway, but caught in a maze of hilly roads that wound into endless fields with friendly misleading signs like (I-80 E ↑) that pointed to rows and rows of snow covered farm land.  The roads were dirt, gravel and ice, and I slid around as we tried to navigate our way back to the high way from the desolate gas station.  It took us 45 minutes of driving along parallel roads and frosted corn fields to find our way back to the highway again.

And then… Cracker Barrel.  It was visible from the highway in Davenport, but completely inaccessible except by a small unmarked road a few miles down.  It took us a half hour, 2 highway detours, and a u-turn in a highway gravel ditch that scared the crap out of Fritz, but we finally made it to Cracker Barrel.  The waitress explained that the city of Davenport didn’t allow them to put any more signs. Fritz got a real taste of American gluttony, and with the saddest eyes begged me to never let him eat that much again.  All in all, it was a great experience… as far as Iowa was concerned.

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Everything is Up to Date in Kansas City

After our exhausting time in Elk City, Oklahoma, we were running behind schedule as we drove north toward Kansas City. We weren’t really delayed in Amarillo, despite the traffic stop and endless blanket of smog, so we opted for some good old fashioned barbeque as we passed through Wichita.  This was a more difficult task than anticipated.  Our first stop was at the highly anticipated “Largest Beer Cave Ever!” which also advertised smoked BBQ.  Arriving, we find it’s a gas station with a 8′x8′ cooler of Miller Lite and Budweiser.  Not impressed, we get back on the road to move on to another place we found on Google.  Getting off on the exit, we had to pay the toll of $2 and change.  The toll keeper pocketed some of our change and asked for more.  Strange, but we let it go… we just wanted to get away from there.

After the BBQ and some late night exhausted drives through the most boring and expensive toll road in Kansas, we finally arrive in Kansas City.  My friend Benjamin, our host, was brilliant - at the ready with a bottle of choice wine and a house of wonder.  Ben had transformed his family’s home into a mini museum of art collections, arcade machines, and architectural detail.  We played Boccerball, Pachinko, and toured the city under the cover of night.  It was really lovely… giant sculptures of shuttlecocks and beautifully lit architecture.  If there is a city we’ve seen so far on this trip we’d love to revisit, it’s definitely Kansas City.

The Oklahoma Toilet Explosion

We knew we weren’t really going to make it to Oklahoma City to stay the night, and honestly, we had no plans to sightsee in Oklahoma City, so we stopped just inside the state in a place called Elk City. Elk City Oklahoma had much going on.  We were so disappointed to have arrived too late for the 22nd Annual RV and Boat Outdoor Show, and too early for the 2nd Annual Scrapbookin’ Annie’s Crop & Shop. At any rate we pulled off at the Holiday Inn because they advertised free internet access.  I bargained the $95 room down to $49.99.  Fresh linens, free toothbrush, and a nintendo sixty-foooour! You can even request a firmer pillow.

Some time at five thirty or six in the morning, the toilet exploded.  Not a gentle overflow caused by an errant clog.  No, the sound of a crack and a literal explosion of fountainous toilet water, clopping onto the tile and pouring into the hallway through the bottom of our hotel room door over beige and burgundy nubby carpet.  I squealed and called the front desk, and Fritz grumbled.  After an hour or so of maintenance men and cleaning ladies jiggling handles and throwing around wet towels (quietly, because I told them they better not wake Fritz), we reluctantly shuffled over to the continental breakfast for unlimited biscuits, gravy, chocolate milk and unidentifiable eggs. They still hadn’t fixed the room when we returned, so the $95 room was had in the end for only $25.

And then we slept late.  Kansas City at night was a welcome relief between Elk City and the vortex that is Iowa.  More on Iowa later…